Orphan hearted and a sinner

For a long time in my life I was 'love poor'.

I had an orphan type spirit, I actually thought I was an orphan and spoke that over my life often as a child, wondering what had I done wrong to feel so unloved and left out.

My only answer was that I had been born.

I walked around like this for many years, but would manage to put on good show that I had it altogether. I actually told myself when very young, that I will just have to look after myself. I never asked for anything as I didn't want to be a burden.

So when I was saved, it was the knowledge of God's love for me that initially drew me - it was His love. That God loved me, that someone loves me.

It was not my sin or need of forgiveness, just His love for me; the me who thought I was unloved and my life wasn't worth anything.  The little girl who thought that at least my cat loves me! 

I do know that God was with me from young and that He knew of me. I grew up saying my prayers, reverent fear, and I remember saying to God one night in bed that I wanted to do things the right way according to Him. But I did not know His love.

So after the revelation of His love in 1997, it took me a while to understand Jesus, His Son.  I didn't get it at first, although I dearly wanted to. I had questions, Who would die for me? Why? I had no value in myself and was t looking from God's perspective and truth.

But the truth is God did send His only Son that whoever believes in Him would have eternal life. And I realised, His love was a double blessing, for not only did He love me, He died for me. I had to come to the understanding that I needed a Saviour not just for love, but so my sins and my separation from Him could be taken care of. That I would be made alive by His Spirit.

I had to understand that at all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, that at the core, as I compared myself to God and His ways, there was nothing good in me. Now, any good I do is all for and to the glory of God who has worked in me.

Every person needs this life transforming moment with God - a new heart and a born again spirit - the gift and the freedom in repentance.

What is Repentance - turning from my own way to following Jesus wholeheartedly. Which simply means to know His will and do His will, which is fulfilled by LOVE!  This re-uniting is called SALVATION!