My Princess Walk The Road to Life

I was given this little book called His Princess, love letters from your King.  Today I read the above page and it really spoke to me about a situation I was in 8 - 10 years ago.

This little devotional speaks of two roads to travel and how God calls us back to Him. If you find yourself on the wrong path, call out to Him and He will lead you back.

Early in my Christian walk, I understood it to be taught that you need to walk this tightrope of life and if you fall off that tightrope, you are a gonner!

When I was saved at 29 I was in a relationship with someone I had known for 10years. We were friends for 6 years then together in 1994. In 1997, after 3 months of responding to Christ's call for salvation, I knew that the relationship would not last. It was a mutal decision for us to move on separately.  I carried on with my walk. There were opportunities for Christian relationships but I never took them.

When I was 38 I met a guy. I was now 10 years in the Lord.  We were introduced by Christian friends and I was encouraged to have coffee with him. We actually got on quite well. He was fun!

I was in a tender time and life situation. I knew that God was calling me on from the church I was attending.  I also wasnt well, collapsing at times, but I didn't understand to the degree I wasn't well and how rough the next year's would be.

So, there was a lot going on in my life.

T was friendly. Kind. Funny.
T was saved at 21 and he was on fire. Then things happened in his walk, in his church, and he turned from God. When I met him he seemed open to chat about things again and maybe come back to God.  We caught up a few times.

The danger:
I was already in a tender situation as mentioned above, I felt I needed to leave the church I was associated with at the time.  It was quite controlling, and I knew I had grown and God was calling me to leave. It was confirmed a few times by people who didn't know the situation.

The safety:
I witnessed over the years, men who would come to the church, get saved and then marry the girl they came for, then I would see them leave the church, forget God and then this girl is in a marriage with someone that had no interest in God.  I thought, I am not going to go out with a newly saved guy. I have to know they were saved because of God, not me!

I was also becoming unwell. I had been collapsing at work.
Having funny spells and not sure what was going on.  The doctors said it was stress and anxiety.

T and I started to meet up more.  We would see each other weekly. I would talk to him about God. We would have in depth discussions. I would often hear of his issues that came out of his religious upbringing. He was gentle and kind to me.  I kept saying that I am waiting for someone who is saved, who loves God etc.

T rang me one day after a couple of months and said that he decided to 'give God a go again'. He rang and told a few other friends before he told me.  I was happy he told others, but I was concerned with the way he put his thoughts in 'giving God a go'.  I didn't write him off with this as I knew God could do anything, so I thought, Ok I will wait and see.

Trying to apply wisdom:
I had started to see T more constantly and we were becoming a couple. I decided to stay with my church longer as they knew me and I felt that it wouldn't be a good time to leave when starting a new relationship.  T came along to church.  Everyone liked him, everyone!!

Time went on.  T would come to church.  Then one day he stopped.  He was concerned about the church I was going to. I stayed longer, but I knew that I did need to leave them.  On the final day I was there I had a meeting with the Pastor and he said to me, we really like T but is he smart enough for you? Will he stimulate you mentally!  I was shocked he even said this, but those words stayed with me and obviously they saw something I didn't at the time. These words rang true later.

New beginnings:
Here I was, in a relationship. I was looking for a new church, hopefully one we could both go to.  We were enjoying each other's company.  I started to go to a church in Newtown called Newtown Mission.  Here I started to hear the Gospel in a way different to how I had been before.  T even came along, but one day he thought there was a hint on control and he didn't come back.  I was disappointed but wasn't going to stop going.

T asked me to marry him after 3 months. I couldn't say yes but I couldnt say no.  I needed more time to see him with God.

Another issue:
I at this time was diagnosed with Hashimotos which is an issue with the immune system attacking the thyroid and I realise I had symptoms since my early 20s. I was constantly tired. I was struggling.  T helped me.  He was kind, caring.

What I failed to admit or comprehend was that in this relationship I had no peace.  I tried, and thought maybe it is just me. My parents split when I was young, is it fear of relationship, getting married etc.

Also, leaving my first church, I left with a lot of fear.  Fear I was not covered, fear that God would leave me, fear fear fear.  It was because of what was said over 10 years that bound me.  It took me quite a few years to unravel all this mess and words and wrong understanding of life in God and Church.

T walked this with me.

This is a bitter Sweet story.
This has shown me alot about how God can make good from the bad.
Even though I was in a relationship that was not right, God didn't leave me.  I was in his protection and love.  I was constantly asking Him to guide me, direct me etc, but it was so messy. I had left a church that had put wrong things into my thought life about leaving, I was in a relationship I was trying to find peace in and I was unwell.

When I left my first church I felt that I needed to learn to hear God's voice again.  I had heard it and knew it, but it is like I went into a church with strong parental controls that I didn't necessarily need as an adult. I needed and wanted loving pastoring though!

I was a mess! Hearing God's voice but doubting it was Him.

So in all of this, God didn't leave me.
God guided me.
He didn't punish me.
It was like I needed to learn to hear HIS voice again and not just be controlled or told by spiritual leader (even though I see wisdom in Godly counsel).  God was working to have me strong enough to be able to stand on my own two feet, to understand His will, to walk in the direction He had for me, and be reassured that I was not alone.

T also wanted to retire at 40 and go and live south of Sydney by the water. I could not see myself doing that. It was like I would but put in the corner and live out my days not living the walk that God had for me.  I just had no vision for what he was offering.

There were so many signs!

Strength:
When I did make the decision to leave T I was stronger and resolute.
I had done it before but went back for another year!
But this time was different!
We split on the Sunday and on the Monday I went to work.
I opened up Facebook quickly to check any messages and the first post I saw jumped out at me and it was like a metal rod of strength went through my spine.

It was 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you!

That was it.
It was like God was saying to give thanks, you have done rightly by breaking up, and you are in MY will for you.  I was so encouraged!  I knew this was my word!!!

I set my face like Flint and moved forward knowing this was the will of God for me.  I had made the right decision.  I was still sad, I still shed tears.  It took a while.

I wouldn't want to do all that again but it did show me the love and grace of God in my life.

What is interesting is that prior to meeting T and leaving church, I asked God for a Damascus Road experience. I wanted to see God clearly. I wanted to see Jesus.  This whole circumstance although it was full of "so much stress, emotional, turmoil" it was like at the end of it and looking back, I knew Jesus so much more, I knew my walvatsal so much more. I trult feel like it was my Damascus Road experience.  That I was blind for a while but then God came and set me free and my eyes were open and I saw Jesus again, clearly. The view was clear.

So, I am so thankful that God led me back to the right road. He did it.

The great things I have learnt in my hardest times
This was one of those times and I can say, I truly came out seeing Jesus.  His love, His grace, His mercy, His forgiveness.

Despite the road I travelled, I will always advocate to DO THINGS GOD'S WAY.  It is the best way!

Thank you Lord for saving me.

God knows me!

God knows!

During the week I was in my sister's kitchen.  She was at work and I was there to look after my Dad.

I had organised him breakfast and was making myself a cup of tea.
At that moment I was thinking and pondering on God, Faith, just knowing that I needed to know God was close.

I know He is, but it was like I needed a tangible touch. Sometimes that is a hug from someone but I was by myself.

As I stood there I heard something drop onto the floor.

I turned around to see. There had been no breeze or anything in the house, but what I saw was something my niece had made.

It was a paper heart with legs.

I picked it up and I instantly felt that it was God saying, this is your hug. I know your heart, am thinking of you, am with you.
Take this as a hug from me.

It put such a smile on my face.

I was really blessed.

Matthew 10:30

"But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

God loves my Dad!

Stay tuned - testimony coming

God Speak's today - Marriage

God speaks! Words and Dreams.

Recently I have been encouraged as I have seen something manifest before my eyes, something the Lord showed me.

Sometime in the first quarter of 2016 God showed me the following:

I was in church and helping with the lyrics. The musicians were in practice preparing for the service and I was standing up looking outward.  I could see this new guy sitting in the end chair, he was a part of the program run by the church to help with drug rehabilitation, and he was drawing in a book. On the stage were the musicians.

At this particular point as I was looking out, someone spoke something from the stage which happend to catch the attention of the Adam, and myself.  In my peripheral vision, as he looked up toward the stage, God highlighted Adam, to me, and one of the girls on stage, Rebecca. It was a very quick vision, and as they were highlighted to me I felt the word 'marriage'.

Marriage, God, are you saying these two will be married? I pondered on that for a while. I pondered on the situation.  Adam had only been here for a couple of weeks. When he looked to the stage, he wasn't looking any where in particular. The attention was not at all on Rebecca.  It was just something that God highlighted to me, it was a spiritual vision.

So, Adam and Rebecca will be married. I was pondering on that over and over, Adam and Rebecca, Adam and Rebecca. I was not 100% certain I had seen correctly but I stored it in my heart.  I thought, if the Lord wants to do that, He can.  I also reflected on another time, some years ago, where the Lord highlighted two people to me as they were walking in a line, and they ended up getting married. Therefore, what God had just highlighted to me, I didn't think was out of the question.

So I decided that I would watch them for a while.  To see if this relationship would start to develop. I was not sure what to say, if anything, to anyone, so I prayed, Lord, Your will be done in their lives.

Over the weeks, I could see them have small conversations together. They were only small and it came about because they were needing to liaise with each other as they both served at church. During some of these times, although the conversation was to do with their areas of serving, I could see at times just a glimmer on his face, something like he liked her, as he spoke to Rebecca. I thought, that is interesting! Although it was minimal and I am not sure if anyone would pick it up, I saw it.

One day Adam came to one of my classes. His demeanor had changed - it was very positive, one that seemed to breath vision and hope in his life. I felt that something had happened between him and Rebecca. This hasn't been confirmed, but I sense it to be so.

First dream:

I had a dream that we were all in church. Rebecca and Adam were both serving, and others two, but Rebecca was in a night dress. It was very innocent, nothing untoward, but I felt that it was too intimate for the occasion.  

At this stage, I still was not sure of their relationship, because nothing was being shown or talked about. So when I woke, I felt that it wasn't the right time for them as yet, especially as Adam had not yet finished the program. By the stage he had recently gone into Stage 3.  My reaction was to pray for the Lord to help them and if anything was happening that was causing intimacy too early, that the Lord would move on their behalf.

Life went on and I could see them talking together more and just hanging around in a general area together.  Then all of a sudden things changed. I could see Rebecca was burdened. I was not sure what was going on.

The Lord had given me a couple of words for Rebecca and as I shared them to her, in my heart I knew that this also involved Adam, although I did not feel I could mention that to her.  One day Adam's dad ministered at my church and he called Rebecca out and he put her head on his shoulder as he prayed for her. He was encouraging her that the Lord was doing things on her behalf and not to be in a hurry, and as he was praying this I was thinking 'he is praying for his daughter in law, that is his daughter in law'.  

Again, I kept all these things in my heart.

Second dream:

I saw Rebecca in a dream and she seemed to be working, and she was talking to a male. Adam came up close behind her and stood along side her. He was staying very close to Rebecca. As Rebecca moved, Adam moved too, so as to remain close to her - like, I am here!  Next they were by a car, Adam was sitting in the passenger seat. The passenger door was open, and Rebecca was on the other side of the door; she had a cloth in her hand. As they were talking, Adam seated, and Rebecca leaning through the open window of the open door, they were laughing and talking and I thought, they get along so well. I was enjoying watching them talk and laugh together and just thinking, they get on so well.  As they were talking Rebecca was using the cloth to dust off around the trim of the car, just sorting the final touches.

When I woke, I thought, this is about their life, and that where they are now, it is close for them to get together.  That Adam was in the final parts of the program and Rebecca was helping with the final dusting off of things, possibly in prayer?  I also said to myself "this is close"! The reveling of it all is close!

Again, I prayed and thanked the Lord for His will to be done. I was surprised that I was seeing all of this and still, was I to do something more with it, along side prayer?

One day, I went to the Rehab to do my weekly teaching and I sat down with the director. I felt to tell her as both Adam and Rebecca were a part of the program in some form.  As I started, I said that I felt God has shown me that two people will marry.  She said is it 'Adam and Rebecca' and I said yes. The Director asked me to go on with what God had shown.

I explained the vision when I first was shown, then dream 1 and dream 2.

The Director then went on to explain the situation that had to do with the fist two stages of what God had shown me.  Initially the Lord had shown Rebecca quite early that she would marry Adam, and the vision was confirmation. With my first dream she said that they had to encourage them to cool their relationship as they wanted Adam to finish the program.  (Hence, why Rebecca was downcast for a while). The 2nd dream, in the car wasn't explained then as I understand now, we hadn't got to it.

So I can see that the Lord was showing me, like a movie, the steps along the way.  That is also what the Director felt.

With the final dream, they were in the car, the finishing touches were being made, and they were really connected.

So, 

In March this year I went to Perth and just after I left I receive a message from Rebecca wishing me well and saying goodbye, she is moving to Sydney. I had recently seen Adam in Sydney helping his Dad and I still was not sure what was happening. When I got back I understood.

Adam had left the program for Sydney and to be in ministry with his Dad, and Rebecca had left for Sydney as she felt the call to go there as well and be with Adam.  They went there separately, but some short time later I see a video with them both together, family around, and Adam gets on his knee and asks Rebecca to marry him. I was so happy for them both.

The Lord has done great things, again, always, forever!

As I thought on this all, the outworking of this was such a blessing to watch, and to see what the Lord will do, and I was encouraged that I was led to pray for His plan into this situation that I felt the Lord showing me, although I didn't see anything taking place in the natural.

It has also encouraged me with the prophetic and to understand how God speaks, and how he speaks to me. It has taken me a while to understand this, but this particular event has encouraged me so much.  It is about trusting that God speaks to me and that I hear Him, that I see Him, that I feel Him. 

I am hoping that it also encourages someone else. That God fulfills His plans. That He has plans for people's lives and He will orchestrate things to come to pass. I since told Rebecca that the Lord showed me they would be married and the dream I had regarding the car and the dusting.  Rebecca was encouraged and said that it was totally like that.

I asked her about the progress of their relationship, how dd it progress, and one key was that her heart was open and she and Adam had times where they spoke to each other about the plans that they felt God had for them.  As they spoke to each other they could see that they seemed to be on the same page.  Adam would leave little notes of encouragement for Rebecca and Rebecca would pray for Adam and his walk in the program.

God is good. We can not put Him in a box.  He definitely has plans for people. He definitely identifies people to come together for marriage, He prepares people's hearts.  It had been a desire for Rebecca to be married and God is a God who fulfills the desires of the heart. So do not be afraid to have Godly dreams and desires because He hears them, He sees them, He knows them.

Be blessed.